Marriage Mondays

#MarriageMondays – Thulani & Refilwe Mashaba

Names: Thulani Yic Mashabai & Refilwe Simphiwe Mashaba
Married since: 14 Feb 2015
Pet names: Shuga, Boona, Yonki…the list is endless (for some reason we come up with names almost every year 😂)
Kids: Not yet
Scripture foundation: 1 Corinthians 13 v 4-7

How did you meet?

We’ve always known each other from youth camps but never spoke, until we met at a company we worked for together, we became friends and a couple of months later we fell in love.

Was it love at first sight?

No it wasn’t. Spending time together as friends played a part in us falling for each other.

What attracted you to each other?

Our personalities which are a bit similar and our love for God.

Why did you get married?

Love (GOD is love) and we are very compatible. We are exactly what we both prayed for, as spouses.

How did he propose?

He mentioned to me that he wanted to marry me and I said to him actions speak louder than words,9 months into our relationship he kept his promise and the day we were introduced at church he went on one knee (everything was caught on camera and it’s on YouTube)

How has marriage changed you?

Marriage hasn’t really changed us but instead it has strengthened our relationship with God as a couple and individually.

What has marriage taught you?

Refilwe: it has taught me patience, how to love unconditionally and that communication is very important in marriage.
Thulani: that we shouldn’t compare ourselves with any other couple, this is our journey and we are going to enjoy it our way together.

What do you love most about being married?

The fact that there’s someone to hold your hand for the rest of your life,to help, guide, support, motivate, encourage, pray and love you unconditionally. Your forever 🖤

What are some of the challenges you’ve faced in your marriage and how did you overcome them?

Thulani: I was on the verge of losing my job and we had to prepare ourselves now that we were about to depend on 1 income but through it all we didn’t allow ourselves to stress but support each other emotionally and spiritually, and because of the faith we had and trusting that God being our provider will come through for us,He did and I got a job before we couldn’t even go through life on 1 income.

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What do you mostly fight about?

I wouldn’t call it fighting but it’s just normal things like him not putting down the toilet seat😩 or not replacing the toilet paper 🤦🏽‍♀️ oh he gets annoyed when I ask him to cook but I keep guiding him 😂

How do you keep love alive?

Telling and showing each other the love we have for one another.And of course date nights 😜

What do you do for fun together?

We both love music, so attending music concerts is one of the fun things we do together.

What do you think marriage is?

Marriage is for two imperfect people who are JOINED together by God to display His perfection of love through this beautiful institution called “Marriage”.

What makes marriage work?

Prayer, communication, trust, commitment, perseverance, understanding, sacrifice, love, support, patience and honesty.

What makes it fail?

Lack of communication and trying to do marriage like someone else.

What do you think is the reason for people to not believe in the institution of marriage?

Because they put their faith of marriage in other people’s marriages, forgetting we have couples married to people God didn’t choose for them, that is why they end up divorced. It’s very important to speak to God first and get confirmation from Him if the person your with is the one from Him.

Do you think pre-marital counselling is important, why?

Yes it is very important. It will allow you to question your readiness for this lifetime commitment. It also clarifies what marriage is according to God.

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Why do you think there is such a high rate of divorce?

Selfishness, dishonesty, people base their marriage on the wrong foundation. The foundation of a marriage shouldn’t be materialistic because that can easily disappear.

What measures can be taken to break the high rate of divorce?

As mentioned previously, GOD is the creator of marriage therefore it is important that GOD is made the foundation of marriage, whenever there are challenges we must return to the creator for guidance. GOD is not a failure so what GOD creates is not intended to fail.

What do you think are the roles of husbands and wives in marriage?

Simple and straightforward command by GOD is “husbands love your wives” and in return “wives respect your husbands”

What do you think is the significance of lobola?

To create a lifetime relationship between both families.

Thulani: To me it’s also an appreciation towards my wife’s family for raising her to become the woman I have fallen in love with.

Would you advice people to do prenup, in community of property or out of community of property and why?

We believe in getting married in community of property. For us, it’s a true definition of “What’s mine is ours” and there is no anticipation or thought of separation. We didn’t get married based on material things.

What advice do you have for people intending to get married?

Check first the foundation of your relationship, how does he/she treat you in private and in public? Marriage is a beautiful journey. Personalize your journey.



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