Marriage Mondays

#MarriageMondays – Godfrey & Angela Ndweni

Names: Godfrey and Angela Ndweni

Married since: 21 March 2019 (Met 2017, got engaged November 2018)

Pet names: Babe, babe-love, husband, lerato laka

Kids: not yet

Scripture foundation: Ecclesiastes 4:12 “GNT Two people can resist an attack that would defeat one person alone. A rope made of three cords is hard to break”.

How did you meet:

Through our mutual friends (Thulani and Cheryl Tshabangu)

Was it love at first sight:

Godfrey – yes
Angela – no

What attracted you to each other:

Godfrey: her smile and how she conducted herself, she was focused and had a vision for her life. She was also very family orientated.
Angela: his consistency in pursuing me and even when we were just friends I could always depend on him.

Why did you get married:

We envisioned building a life and family together.

How did he propose:

After spending 2 months away where I was completing a short teaching contract near the border of Botswana, he drove up 6 hours from Johannesburg to pop the question. He arrived late in the evening and exhausted from the drive, went straight to bed. He woke me up early the next morning and as we were exchanging our 1 year anniversary gifts in our pyjamas, he got down on one knee and proposed.

How has marriage changed you?

It has made us more patient and considerate of each other’s feelings.

What has marriage taught you?

We’ve learnt to think more before speaking. We’ve also learnt that holding a grudge is a waste of time and energy.

What do you love most about being married?

The fact that we don’t have to say goodbye anymore, instead we get to say goodnight.

What are some of the challenges you faced in marriage and how did you overcome them?

Not living together for our first year of marriage, we overcame it by making financial sacrifices and moving in together.
Communication, it’s an ongoing process.

What do you mostly fight about?

How things are said as well how things are not said (communication)

What irritates you about each other?

Godfrey: the fact that she knows me so well and she sometimes doesn’t listen to me Angela: sometimes he doesn’t take my suggestions.

How do you keep love alive?

By laughing often and by constantly trying to learn more ways to cater to each other’s love languages.

What do you do for fun together?

Binge on movies and series, having lunch/breakfast dates.

What do you think marriage is?

An institution of two forgivers and a lifelong partnership.

What makes marriage work?

Making God the foundation of your marriage and constantly working on yourself for the benefit of your partner.

What do you think makes it fail?

Being selfish and prideful, holding on to anger and being slow to forgive.

What do you think is the reason for people to not believe in the institution of marriage?

How common it has become for partners to cheat on each other as well as the fear of the unknown (perhaps attached to uncertainties about your partner).

Do you think premarital counselling is important and why?

Yes, it helps you discover things that you might not have known or discussed with your partner. It also makes you aware of possible challenges that may occur in future and gives you possible tools to overcome them.

Why do you think there’s such a high rate of divorce?

People don’t understand the weight of the commitment.

What measures can be taken to break the rate of divorce?

Pre-marital counselling should be made compulsory.
Attending marriage enrichment sessions once you are married.

What do you think are the roles of husbands and wives in a marriage?

Because we have put God at the centre of our marriage, we try by all means to live by the principles of the bible (Husbands love your wives and wives respect your husbands).

Would you advise people to do prenup, in community of property or out of community of property?

In community of property, because it establishes unity in the marriage from the beginning.

What do you think is the significance of lobola?

We don’t see the significance of it, we think that the custom should be adjusted to suit current times.

What advice do you have for people who are intending to get married?

Sit down and discuss the things you like and dislike, then tackle them.
Go into marriage expecting challenges, but also knowing that those challenges can be overcome.
Find mentors, people who have walked this journey (i.e. marriage counsellors).
Read the book “Things I wish I knew before getting married by Gary Chapman”.
Just let go and don’t hold on to things! Forgive!
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