Marriage Mondays
#MarriageMonday – Themba & Sonto Skosana
Names: Themba & Sonto Skosana
Married since: March 1995
Pet names: Sthandwa, Sweetheart
Kids: 2 girls and 1 boy (Mbali, Buhle & Mthokozisi)
Scripture foundation: Exodus 14:14
How did you meet?
Saw her while pretending to teach keyboard lessons to elder sister.
Was it love at first sight?
Yes
What attracted you to each other?
Her singing & nice lips.
His sense of humor and I felt so comfortable around him
Why did you get married?
Trust, respect & good Christian family background.
How did he propose?
He said he wants me to be his wife & I was so excited about it. He sent the elders to my family.
How has marriage changed you?
We became accommodating & receptive to each other’s ideas.
What has marriage taught you?
Forgiveness, communication, transparency & sharing.
What do you love most about being married?
Sonto: To be loved & taken care of
Themba: To know there is someone whose always there for me and securely belonging to me alone
What are some of the challenges you faced in your marriage and how did you overcome them?
Financial start-up & later challenges. Misunderstandings & conflicting interests/hobbies.
We overcame financial challenges by standing and praying together and financially supporting each other. Conflicting interest – by making compromises where possible & stirring up the other spouse’s interest to enjoy the same activity/hobby.
What do you mostly fight about?
We don’t fight we disagree on watching violent movies.
What irritates you about each other?
Sonto: He is impatient
Themba: She spends too much time on the phone.
How do keep love alive?
By always kissing when parting ways, going for massages together, weekends away without kids.
What do you do for fun together?
Watching movies, shopping, motorbiking, music shows.
What do you think marriage is?
Friendship, commitment to each other, an institution created by God, unity, partnership in taking care of each other and of the children.
What makes marriage work?
Honesty, mutual trust, transparency, resolving misunderstandings immediately.
What makes it fail:
Infidelity, unforgiveness, mistrust, apportioning blame.
What do you think is the reason for people to not believe in the institution of marriage:
Divorce, fear of monogamous commitment, fear of heartbreak.
Do you think pre-marital counselling is important, why?
Yes, it gives information of what to expect and how do deal with issues.
Why do think there is such a high rate of divorce?
Lack of communication, infidelity, lack of transparency.
What measures can be taken to break the high rate of divorce?
Counselling of couples, couples ministries & groups.
What do you think are the roles of husbands and wives in marriage?
Husband- leading, protecting and providing for the family.
Wife – comfort, teach, nurture and unite the family.
What do you think is the significance of lobola?
To instill a sense of appreciation by the husband for his wife, to create a bond and mutual respect and appreciation between the 2 families, to test responsibility and ability of the husband to provide for his family.
Would you advise people to do a prenup, in community of property or out of community of property and why?
In community of property because the other regimes focus on what is to happen if divorce occurs and lose sight of the fact that marriage is meant to be permanent.
What advice do you have for people intending to get married?
Do not look for marriage, look for a suitable companion, someone you are comfortable and happy to be with. The marriage is a sealing and formalization of that companionship.
