Marriage Mondays
#MarriageMondays – Thami and Tshego Moshwane
Names: Thami and Tshego
Married since: 05 March 2022
Kids: 1
Scripture foundation: Genesis 2 v 18
How did you meet?
We met at a worship night
Was it love at first sight?
Husband: yes
Wife: No
What attracted you to each other?
Music
Why did you get married?
To fulfil God’s purpose in bringing forth our family.
How did he propose?
He did not propose the western way, he just told me he wants to Lobola me.
How has marriage changed you?
It keeps us grounded and we are more intentional about the things we plan for our family.
What has marriage taught you?
It taught us patience, meekness, honesty and to communicate about everything, good or bad.
What do you love most about being married?
Knowing that you have a life partner, someone you can talk to about your wins and loses without being judged. Another thing is you wont feel lonely when you are married unless the other person is not around or busy with other things.
Do you have specific roles designated to each other?
Not really, we help each other in most of the things, however there are things that needs a husband or wife’s attention.
What do you think are the roles of husbands and wives in marriage?
The role of a husband is to love, lead, guide and protect his family, and the role of a wife is to support and assist her husband.
Do you believe in love languages? If so, what are yours and does your partner communicate them well?
We both love good food, either we cook or buy each other something delicious or eat out, we also love to cuddle a lot or buy each other gifts.
What is the most romantic thing you’ve done for your spouse?
Husband: wrote a romantic letter for my wife.
Wife: Took my husband to the most expensive hotel for his birthday.
How important do you think it is for couples to have a strong friendship and share common interests? What are some of the interests you share with your spouse?
It is important to be friends in a marriage because you can be open and not be scared or even shy to correct your better half in some of the things. We are both musicians, a day can’t go without discussing about what’s new, trending and so on, the love of music does keep the marriage going.
How do you balance marriage, work and raising children, if any?
We make time for every department in our marriage, we cannot be all over the show.
What does wives submit to your husbands mean to you?
Respect, support, honour and trust his decisions as the leader.
What does husbands love your wives mean to you?
Caring, showing kindness, protect, provide and respect.
What does parents train up a child in a way they should go mean to you?
The bible says teach them while they are still young so they can preserve the teachings until they become adults. Parents have a huge responsibility in guiding the upbringing of their children.
What are some of the challenges you’ve faced in your marriage and how did you overcome them?
We have only been married for almost 2 years, so far haven’t really faced big challenges, just few arguments here and there.
What do you mostly fight about?
We hardly fight.
What irritates you about each other?
Husband: Snoring while sleeping.
Wife: Using his phone I am talking to him.
How do you keep love alive?
Communicating our feelings, spending time together and lastly being kind to each other at all times.
What do you do for fun together?
Play and listen to music, attend music concerts and go out.
What do you think marriage is?
When two imperfect beings, man and female join together to build
a family.
What makes a marriage work?
Putting God first, making communication a priority and not allowing a third party in our marriage.
What make it fail?
Not putting God as the centre of your marriage, failing to perform duties as wife and husband and lastly having too much expectations from your spouse.
What do you think is the reason for people to not believe in the institution of marriage?
The fear of the unknown and concluding on other people’s bad marriage experiences.
Do you think pre-marital counselling is important, why?
Yes, it is important because you get to learn about the building blocks of marriage before you engage into it, you also discover some of the things about your partner during the sessions.
Why do you think there is such a high rate of divorce?
Many people marry for wrong reasons such as financial status. Infidelity is also at the top of the list.
What measures can be taken to break the high rate of divorce?
I think people need to be taught on what marriage is before engaging themselves.
What do you think is the significance of lobola?
It is to convince the bride’s family that the man is capable of taking care of his family and also gratitude to the family for allowing their daughter to be married.
Would you advice people to do prenup, in community of property or out of community of property and why?
Out of community of property because there are a lot of factors that can affect both partners if married in community of property e.g blacklisting, debts and estate. If one party gets blacklisted, the other party gets affected but if some of the things are under either party then they can be preserved instead of losing everything.
Is it advisable for couples to live together before marriage, why or why not?
No, chances of getting married while staying together are very slim because both partners are already enjoying the benefits of being married.
How long do you think couples should date before getting married and in your opinion, is there a way to date or each to their own?
6 months to a year, you can never really know someone, rather get to know more about them in marriage. People would date for five years plus, end up breaking up and would have wasted each other time.
What do you think is the secret to the longevity of your marriage?
Communication, sticking to the decision we made to loving each other, resolving issues immediately before developing resentment towards each other, doing things we both love more often and lastly praying for our marriage.
Whose marriage do you look up to and why?
Our parents’.
What advice do you have for people intending to get married?
Lower your standards, lower your high expectations from your partner because marriage is not a soapie, drama or a movie but a daily reality.