Marriage Mondays
#MarriageMondays – Janine Lingenfelder & Riaan Lingenfelder
Names: Janine Lingenfelder and Riaan Lingenfelder
Married since: 2008 (know each other since 2002)
Pet names: Briscuit or Babes
Kids: One daughter, Jessica (23)
How did you meet?
I met Riaan at a local gathering. Though we didn’t know each other at first, I felt a strong connection and expressed an interest in getting to know him. Later that evening, a mutual friend introduced us, and we began talking.
Was it love at first sight?
While it wasn’t love at first sight in the traditional sense, I felt an immediate connection and a strong desire to get to know my spouse better.
What attracted you to each other?
I was attracted to my spouse’s way of handling situations, particularly their care for their mother after their father’s passing. This demonstrated their compassion and responsibility, qualities I deeply value.
Why did you get married?
I married my spouse because they showed me what I was capable of achieving and because they genuinely wanted the best for me. They also proposed a second time after I initially declined, demonstrating their commitment and respect for my decision making?
How did he propose?
He proposed at home, creating a personal and intimate atmosphere as it represented the foundation of our future life together. This gesture held a special meaning for me.
How has marriage changed you?
Marriage has instilled a deeper sense of responsibility and commitment in me. It has also made me more patient, understanding, and empathetic as I navigate the complexities of sharing my life with another person.
What has marriage taught you?
Marriage has taught me the importance of compromise, communication, and unconditional love. It has shown me that true partnership requires constant effort, growth, and the ability to face challenges together.
What do you love most about being married?
The sense of security, companionship, and shared experiences are what I love most about being married. Having someone by your side through all of life’s ups and downs is truly invaluable.
Do you have specific roles designated to each other?
While we don’t strictly adhere to traditional gender roles, we naturally gravitate towards certain responsibilities based on our strengths and interests.
What do you think are the roles of husbands and wives in marriage?
I believe the roles of husbands and wives should be based on mutual respect, support, and partnership. Each partner should contribute to the relationship in ways that leverage their strengths and enhance the well-being of the family unit.
Do you believe in love languages? If so, what are yours and does your partner communicate them well?
Yes, I believe in love languages. My love languages are acts of service and quality time. My spouse communicates these languages well, and we both make an effort to understand and fulfill each other’s emotional needs.
What is the most romantic thing you’ve done for your spouse?
One of the most romantic things I’ve done for my spouse was planning a surprise getaway. It required meticulous planning and created a lasting memory for both of us.
How important do you think it is for couples to have a strong friendship and share common interests? What are some of the interests you share with your spouse?
Having a strong friendship and shared interests is crucial for a healthy and fulfilling marriage. It fosters connection, intimacy, and mutual understanding. My spouse and I share interests like hiking, cooking, and traveling, which we enjoy doing together.
How do you balance marriage, work and raising children, if any?
Balancing these aspects requires effective communication, time management, and prioritization. We carve out dedicated time for each other and family activities while supporting each other’s individual goals and responsibilities.
What does wives submit to your husbands mean to you?
To me, it means cherishing my spouse with all my heart, just as I cherish myself. It’s about respecting their dreams and aspirations, supporting them through thick and thin, and celebrating their joys as if they were my own. It’s a constant commitment to their well being and happiness, expressed through words, actions, and unwavering presence.
What does husbands love your wives mean to you?
Same as above.
What does parents train up a child in a way they should go mean to you?
This isn’t about imposing rigid rules or expectations. It’s about nurturing my child’s unique talents and interests, providing guidance and support as they navigate the world, and instilling values that will guide them towards becoming kind, compassionate, and responsible individuals. It’s a journey of love, patience, and fostering the confidence they need to discover their own path.
What are some of the challenges you’ve faced in your marriage and how did you overcome them?
Every marriage encounters bumps along the road. We’ve had our share of disagreements, often stemming from communication gaps or differing perspectives on finances or household chores. We also faced challenges when navigating career changes and family dynamics. WE overcome these challenges, by open and honest communication is our saving grace. We also acknowledge that compromise is essential in any relationship, and we approach challenges with a united front, willing to bend and grow together.
What do you mostly fight about?
Like most couples, sometimes we disagree on little things like household chores or how to plan our weekends. But these disagreements never escalate because we remember the bigger picture: our love and respect for each other.
What irritates you about each other?
Being Virgos, we both have a keen eye for detail and a desire for order. This can sometimes lead to minor clashes! We use our Virgoan communication skills to address these issues calmly, often finding humor in the situation and reminding ourselves that these are just small bumps in the road of our love. Our shared values and commitment to understanding each other help us navigate these minor irritations with grace and humor, keeping the focus on the bigger picture – our strong and loving relationship.
How do you keep love alive?
We prioritize quality time together, even if it’s just a stolen conversation over coffee in the morning or a movie night snuggled on the couch. We also surprise each other with a spontaneous date night/weekend away. Keeping the spark alive is a continuous effort, but it’s worth it to nurture the love we share.
What do you do for fun together?
We love exploring new places together, whether it’s a weekend getaway or simply trying a new restaurant in town. We also enjoy sharing hobbies like cooking. Most importantly, we find joy in simply being in each other’s company, laughing, sharing stories, and creating new memories together.
What do you think marriage is?
Marriage is a sacred partnership built on love, trust, and mutual respect. It’s a journey of growth, shared experiences, and unwavering commitment. It’s about facing challenges hand-in hand, celebrating victories together, and always having each other’s backs.
What makes a marriage work?
Effective communication is key, along with a willingness to compromise, show empathy, and prioritize your partner’s needs. It’s about nurturing the friendship and intimacy that forms the foundation of your love, and continuously growing together as individuals and as a couple.
What make it fail?
Lack of communication, unrealistic expectations, unresolved conflicts, and a lack of commitment can all contribute to the breakdown of a marriage. When couples stop working on the relationship and prioritize individual needs over the well-being of the partnership, it can lead to feelings of isolation and ultimately, divorce.
What do you think is the reason for people to not believe in the institution of marriage?
There are many reasons why individuals choose not to marry. It could be due to negative experiences with the institution, societal changes, or a desire for personal autonomy. Ultimately, marriage is a personal choice, and respecting another person’s decision is essential.
Do you think pre-marital counselling is important, why?
I believe pre-marital counseling can be incredibly valuable. It provides a safe space for couples to discuss important topics, identify potential areas of conflict, and learn effective communication skills. It equips them with tools they can use throughout their marriage, making it a worthwhile investment in the future of their relationship.
Why do you think there is such a high rate of divorce?
The high divorce rate can be attributed to various factors, including lack of communication and conflict resolution skills, unrealistic expectations, financial stress, and changing societal norms.
What measures can be taken to break the high rate of divorce?
Strengthening marital education programs, promoting healthy relationship skills, providing support for couples facing challenges, and addressing societal factors can all contribute to lowering the divorce rate.
What do you think is the significance of lobola?
Lobola, or bride price, holds cultural and symbolic significance in many societies. It represents respect for the bride’s family and a commitment to the marriage. It can also foster unity and social cohesion within communities
Would you advice people to do prenup, in community of property or out of community of property and why?
These matters are deeply personal and depend on various factors unique to each couple, including their cultural background, financial situation, and future plans. It’s crucial to have open and honest conversations with your partner and seek professional guidance from legal and financial advisors specializing in your specific context.
Is it advisable for couples to live together before marriage, why or why not?
Ultimately, the decision of whether or not to live together before marriage is a personal one. It’s important to weigh the potential benefits and drawbacks, consider your individual values and preferences, and have open and honest communication with your partner to explore your options and make a well-informed choice together.
How long do you think couples should date before getting married and in your opinion, is there a way to date or each to their own?
There’s no magic number or single answer to how long one should date before marriage. It’s a deeply personal decision that depends on individual readiness, compatibility, and mutual understanding. Some couples choose to marry after a few months, while others may take years. The key is to prioritize open communication, shared values, and a deep commitment to building a future together.
What do you think is the secret to the longevity of your marriage?
While every relationship is unique, here are some principles that resonate with many couples in successful marriages:
Open and honest communication: This is the foundation for any healthy relationship. Be willing to listen actively and express yourselves respectfully, even when it’s difficult.
Shared values and goals: Having a common ground in terms of core values and aspirations for the future strengthens the bond and provides a sense of direction for the partnership.
Mutual respect and trust: Treat each other with respect and build trust through honesty and reliability.
Commitment to growth and understanding: Be willing to grow together as individuals and as a couple. Embrace challenges as opportunities to learn and strengthen your bond.
Maintaining a strong connection: Nurture your friendship, intimacy, and shared interests.
Make time for quality conversations, shared activities, and expressions of love and appreciation.
Whose marriage do you look up to and why?
Instead of singling out specific marriages, it’s valuable to draw inspiration from couples who demonstrate qualities you admire, such as:
Resilience and perseverance: Overcoming challenges together and emerging stronger.
Unwavering commitment: Standing by each other through thick and thin.
Continuous growth and learning: Embracing lifelong learning and personal development
together.
Humor and joy: Finding laughter and joy in everyday life, even amidst challenges.
What advice do you have for people intending to get married?
Focus on building a strong foundation: Invest in getting to know each other deeply, communicate openly, and build a solid foundation of trust and respect.
Seek guidance and support: Consider premarital counseling or workshops to gain insights and tools for navigating challenges and strengthening your relationship.
Be realistic and honest: Have realistic expectations, acknowledge potential challenges, and be willing to work through them together.
Never stop nurturing the relationship: Make time for each other, express affection, and prioritize your connection throughout your life together.
