Marriage Mondays

#MarriageMondays – Tshepo And Nomsa Mathibedi

Married since: 30 November 2007

Pet names: Pono and Sasa

Kids: Oarabile Tshepiso (11 years) Renelioe Lethabo (6 years)
Scripture foundation: Philippians 1v6

How did you meet?

We met at a charity concert for people with disabilities in 1999 Soweto.

Was it love at first sight?

Definitely not. Lol

What attracted you to each other?

His heart
Her warmth and heart

Why did you get married?

Because we fell in love with each other and wanted to live the rest of our lives together

How did he propose?

He just said he’s sending his uncles and gave me the letter. Lol I think he still owes a proper romantic proposal

How has marriage changed you?

Marriage forced me as a husband to truly cling to my wife and stop being a mama’s baby. I had to grow in being responsible for my own family and work hard. Marriage changed me from being just a husband, blessed me to be a father to a boy and a girl.
As a wife I realised that I’m not just there to receive always but give all to keep the household warm, from being a care giver, nurturer, etc.

What has marriage taught you?

Musa: it has taught me to forgive and love unconditional in and out of season.
Tshepo: We are individuals who aspire to be someone in life and always need to support the endevours of the person you are with. Whoever that wants my services without the presence of my wife, that’s a no-go area. Serve together and never let issues outside your marriage affect your marriage negatively.

What do you love most about being married?

Tshepo: We serve together and serve each other
Musa: We are friends which comes as a bonus when we find ourselves falling out of love sometimes.

Do you have specific roles designated to each other?

Musa: Always try to support him as the head of the family even when I don’t really agree with whatever but TRUST his judgements.
Tshepo: I am assigned as a provider

What do you think are the roles of husbands and wives in marriage?

Musa: I think each marriage is different therefore roles change with what is required at a particular season but obviously can’t take away the fact that Mathibedi is the head, provider, leader, priest, visionary of the family. Mina a helpmate, nurturer, teacher, etc.
Tshepo: My role is to follow Christ and lead like He leads me. It is to support my wife and let her be the best in whatever she wants to be.

Do you believe in love languages? If so, what are yours and does your partner communicate them well?

Musa:I’m such an easy lover, really not into the norm of flowers, chocolates and and, but taking a walk, spend time eating my favorite food (all kinds of meat) and he does this so well.
Tshepo: Music is my love language.

What is the most romantic thing you’ve done for your spouse?

Musa: Celebrate his birthday at his favorite hotel and spend a weekend just the two of us.
Tshepo: Gave her money to go and spoil and pamper herself on her birthday away from the kids and we joined her later.

How important do you think it is for couples to have a strong friendship and share common interests?

Musa: I always say marry your friend, someone who knows you, the REAL you, I was privileged that we were friends with Mathibedi for 5 years before we could marry, even though when we met for the second time He said I’m his wife which at the time I didn’t see it happening because i didn’t love him like that but I found myself sharing with him everything, my family matters, shocking and sensitive information about my life and he still wanted me. So when we go through a rough time in our relationship I still don’t want to hurt, loose my friend.
Tshepo: I share her sentiments on this one

What are some of the interests you share with your spouse?

Other than being music ministers, we love exploring different places in the bushes somewhere quiet, having good food together I guess we are foodies.

How do you balance marriage, work and raising children, if any?

On this one we all strive to share responsibilities and work together in balancing our lives, our marriage is a priority, our children are as a result of us being married and not the other way around. Keeping our relationship is a priority.

What does ‘wives submit to your husbands’ mean to you?

She is my equal partner as much as I have the role to lead as a husband. Her submission means she’s under my covering but not my slave.

What does ‘husbands love your wives’ mean to you?

As a woman I always respond to how my man loves me not materially but emotionally, physically, which makes it easy to submit.

What does parents train up a child in a way they should go mean to you?

Raising our children in Godly standards and allowing them to be what God has intended them to be. Not raising them to fulfill our dreams but to dream to be whatever they want to be and be a support system to them.

What are some of the challenges you’ve faced in your marriage and how did you overcome them?

INFERTILITY, yoh this was the most painful journey. Not having kids comes with a lot of stigma, people challenge your faith as if you are not praying enough, asking if are you in right standing with God, asking insensitive personal questions, I remember at one point Mathibedi was once called Bro Tshepo in a gathering simply because he was not a father yet and mind you at that time he’s was the oldest of the group. Lossing friends who now feel you can’t relate because you don’t have kids. Mina i was asked to facilitate a lot of baby showers deliberately whilst i couldn’t fall pregnant, family members sometimes wanting to point out who they think has a problem. These are just a few we can mention. The 6 painful years taught us praying, waiting, believing, trusting God completely and in his time, He made it happen and no one can claim to have done anything except all the glory belongs to him. We know our kids are just but a Testimony that God is able.

What do you mostly fight about?

Money and time management but are gradually getting better.

What irritates you about each other?

Musa: He’s loves being spontaneous
Tshepo: She’s rigid (sometimes)

How do you keep love alive?

Go out alone without kids telling them we have a funeral to attend. Lol

What do you do for fun together?

Play games and love swimming

What do you think marriage is?

An opportunity to start and build a institution (family) that will last forever

What makes a marriage work?

Other than love ofourse, friendship, transparency and good communication

What make it fail?

Fakeness and selfish ambition. Abuse of the partner and hiding behind love.

What do you think is the reason for people to not believe in the institution of marriage?

Maybe seeing a lot of marriages break.

Do you think pre-marital counselling is important, why?

It somehow prepares you for what to expect. Good and bad

Why do you think there is such a high rate of divorce?

People marry for different reasons and expectations, they then get disappointed when those are not met and eventually see no reason to fight for their marriage

What measures can be taken to break the high rate of divorce?

Making counseling available at any given time, not only when there are fights but just as a form of checking if everything is still fine.

What do you think is the significance of lobola?

Lately this has lost its True significance which was for showing appreciation to family of the bride and exchanging gifts. Now this has turned out to be a business transaction which is sad.

Would you advice people to do prenup, in community of property or out of community of property and why?

Every relationship must be entered into with honesty, each couple must decide what they want to do with their relationship. We opted for community of property because we are in this together for life and are very intentional in wanting to bring out the best of each other in our union.

Is it advisable for couples to live together before marriage, why or why not?

No it is not advisable, once you received marriage benefits before getting married, many tend to not get married because there’s nothing new they will be committing themselves to.

How long do you think couples should date before getting married and in your opinion, is there a way to date or each to their own?

It doesn’t matter how long one dates, however, one cannot date forever. The most important thing is the decision and the commitment one makes to marry for the right reasons and with the right person he or she loves.

What do you think is the secret to the longevity of your marriage?

God is the source and He’s the ultimate protector and preserver of the institution of marriage. Friendship is what keeps us going through all seasons we go through. Know and acknowledge the season you’re in.

Whose marriage do you look up to and why?

Our late parents
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